The moment when all things fall apart, and my faith is on edge I continue to hold on; I know what miraculous plans God has done in the past. I call on every promise, until there are no more promises. I pray until there are no more prayers. I cry until, there are no more tears. Even when sitting in the church pew and listening to the Word that describes my life, there are no more Amens.
Sometimes all I can say to the Master is, really? Again. What must I do to ride out this storm? I know: keep my focus on Jesus. However, that is quite hard when all things fall apart. I heard: “God never sees the righteous forsaken or begging for bread.” That quote makes me think: Am I righteous. I mean really righteous: genuine, make morally correct decisions. Hmm. That can’t possible be me.
Why else would my daughters decide they want to live with their father? And just visit me when they please, despite the custody decision. The job interviews do not pan out. In addition, I have lunch with the person who interviewed for the same position. You, guessed it; she got the position. The landlord reminds me I’ve given notice although the home I expected to move into lingers on the approval of the mortgage company that knows that I have six more paychecks before I’m officially on the unemployment line. Really Lord? What’s next?
This faithwalk is like a tightrope in which I’m gripping with every ounce of my ounce of faith, and mine is a big as a mustard seed at this moment. Otherwise I will sway back and forth, and fall spiraling to the end. As I hang on all I can say is Really? What’s next?